The Rantings of Yami Bakura
by GreatSardonicismKing
Summary: Because, in this modern world, there are just so many things to complain about.
1. Rant One: BodySnatching

**Rant One: Body-Snatching**

Randomly waking up with a voice in your head must be a troubling experience, I would imagine.

"Hello there, I'm just going to borrow your vessel for a bit of time, do you mind? No, no, don't trouble yourself, I'll just take it and get it back to you when I'm through wreaking havoc on your entire life. Just get some rest and you'll be back in control in no time.

"Be sure not to question this, either. _That_ will simply drive you insane."

My host—or rather, former host, would agree from experience, the whole ordeal is quite disconcerting.

But despite the unpleasantries of a stolen body, I don't think he has ever stopped to consider what it's like for the thief. Because, to be perfectly honest, the act of using said stolen body is not much better.

This is the point of my short stream of consciousness you now have gracing your eyes at this very moment. It's about time people came to appreciate that neither parties _truly_ profit from the act of body snatching. It simply is horrendous on all sides.

For one thing, the Landlord is first and foremost the greatest pain in the arse. Even when you suppress the little darling, he'll always adore the attempt of trying to regain control once again. This will lead to the very uncomfortable feeling of having sledgehammers slamming against your skull. Should you ever desire to acquire a small taste of such a discomfort, I would suggest finding a very large bell tower, sticking your head directly inside of said bell, and having a friend suddenly ring the bronze beauty without warning. The following pain will be just an iota of the agony that comes with a resistant host.

If you do in fact manage to suppress the host's mind despite this pain, then the next obstacle is your motor skills. Put simply, three thousand years without a physical body makes things difficult to get back into step with, so to say. So on top of having to keep your concentration firmly planted on continuing to hold your dear Landlord within the confines of his Soul Room, you now have to remember what it's like to walk. So you will spend the next four or five hours in a continual verbatim of _left right left right left right_. This is not only tedious, but by the end of it you have successfully cursed every single piece of furniture in the migraine-inducing host's bedroom that you have no doubt bruised "your" knee on multiple times.

And don't even get me started on the concept of learning modern table manners. Take my word for it, dear mortals, you will be fully willing to unceremoniously screw over any such niceties by this point in time.

And then, of course, there is acting like your host should you cross any friend or family member's path. Even with the fact that you have your host's mind at your disposal, your acting needs to be on excellent par with the expected mannerisms. And, should you be in a similar situation as mine where you _despise_ your Landlord for previously stated migraines, it is difficult to imitate without sarcasm.

If you somehow manage all of this, then congratulations, you have taken the first step to parasitic villainy. How wonderful for you.

And this, dear folks, is part one of why I should have more things to occupy my time.

Stay tuned for more if you dare.


	2. Rant Two: Landlords

**Rant Two: Landlords**

Apparently it has been requested that I say something regarding my former host, Ryou Bakura.

Oh, Ryou, Ryou, Ryou.

He's heard me say it before: he is the single more _unbearable_ and _annoying_ human being I have ever had to share a body or home with.

When you first encounter a host, it's never the most pleasant of experiences. Initially, hatred will be the key, completely mutual emotion. You will hate your host for having to rely on him constantly as a need for survival, and your host will despise you for using his body as your own personal play thing to destroy everything he holds dear and single-handedly ruin his life.

Innitially, you could say my Landlord and I got off on the wrong foot.

If you've ever tried sharing a home with anyone, you will know that there are small quirks that your roommate has that will simply get under your skin. The fact that they refuse to put the toilet seat down, or that they eat all of the food in the refrigerator just after you went grocery shopping, or _something_ in that like.

Imagine that when you are sharing a body.

Of course, I'm quite sure your roommate never went out of his way to torment you, now did he? Like, say you were working on a coloring book at age seven, and arbitrarily you would have the sudden feeling that your mind has been asleep, and your coloring book has already been finished. Yet you have no memory of ever doing any such thing.

Or say one day you wake up and realize you've been grounded for a week for an act you don't remember committing.

Or even that your dear friends have been falling into comas inexplainably.

I rather doubt you've experienced something that disconcerting with anyone whom you live with.

One thing I will say about Ryou, he is _incredibly _stubborn. After all, who would say no to joining an obviously powerful entity that can easily take what he wants from you, anyway? Ryou Bakura, of course.

Say what you will about that boy, but he just doesn't know when to give up.

I can't count the amount of times I've taken over his body, the times I've still gotten what I wanted even when he fought tooth and nail against it. Yet, he never once stopped and said, "I give up. Do what you want."

It's that that gives the first support to my previous statement. He could not _be_ a bigger pain in my arse.

Another point to give my argument voice: he doesn't always fail.

Every single time I have gotten just a bloody _arm's length_ away from finally fulfilling my goal, he sticks his nose where it does not belong, and I lose. Again. And again.

And again.

Sometimes, I really hated my host.

In conclusion Ryou Bakura is the single most unbearable, annoying human being I have ever come into contact with, let alone share a body with.

He is also the most admirable, loving, and forgiving soul I have ever had the undeserving pleasure of living with.

I'll let you evaluate that last bit for yourself.


	3. Rant Three: YuGiOh!

Right. Well, then. Here we are again.

Apparently it's become in high demand that I speak of the _adorable _Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged Series.

But I enjoy making you people squirm, so I'm not going to do it. Right now, anyway.

Because, to be honest, while I have so many wonderful things to say about that damned parody, I would like to make something abundantly clear before I go into it.

Before I address the Abridged Series, I would like to speak of the actual series of Yu-Gi-Oh, itself.

I am a thief. As such, what every thief comes to realize is that a truly good thief is not known. And an entire bloody television show that splays out everything about me makes it a tad difficult to retain anonymity.

Now, I know well I made a show of myself when I first entitled myself the King of Thieves in Egypt, but that had a genuine purpose. This does not, other than making some corporate money-grabbers' pockets a bit more full.

And yes, everyone talks about how I don't get enough _screen time_. Did it ever cross your minds that I didn't get much screen time because I kept most of what I did under the wraps? My sole purpose in life was not to entertain you, it was to gain the Millennium Items and release the dark lord Zorc into the world to finish what he had started three thousand years ago.

In short, I _hate_ Yu-Gi-Oh.

But let's go beyond that. Let's talk about the extremely amusing and fantastic Abridged Series made by the truly talented LittleKuriboh. Oh, he's a gem. Truly.

At least the actual series held some accuracy.

I don't even know where to begin. Shall I start with the obnoxious and pointless memes they create? The bloody quotes _everywhere_ that only grow further irritating with time? The fact that you people feel so wonderfully amusing whenever you wear an idiotic and out-of-context t-shirt?

How about how you blasted fools come up to me every blessed day on Formspring to spam me with Abridged related nonsense?

Yes, I get it, the bumps in my hair make me look like a kitten. I don't bloody care enough to comb my hair on a regular basis and I don't plan on changing that fact any time soon. So bugger off about it and move on.

I don't give a damn about what the Pharaoh wears, be it leather or cotton or _whatever_. The Lady Gaga parody was stupid.

And here's a quick little tidbit, I'm _not_ in love with Marik. We both _hated_ each other. And I don't hold any interest if in weeaboo that translates into love. Neither of us would have minded in the slightest during Battle City if the other lived or died. We simply wanted to use one another, and nothing more. I am not in love him. The pairing is pointless and ridiculous, even when you people try to write fanfics about it.

But I'm not ranting about pairings right now, now am I?

Back on the subject, while there are so many things I could continue on about that would last for several thousand words and continuous chapters, I'm going to leave you on one simple way to solve all of my biggest problems and make life a little more tolerable for me.

Do listen up. This is a rather big one.

**STOP ALL THE BLOODY ABRIDGED QUOTES.**

The man wrote it, you laughed about it, move on. If Marik gets one more "Are you Lady Gaga?" question, or I another "Kitty! :3" exclamation, we will both go bald from ripping our hair out.

And your fanart will quickly grow either inaccurate or just not aesthetically pleasing.

...Come to think of it, your fanart already is like that.

Well, then, I think that's all I needed to say on _this_ lovely subject. Review or don't, I don't care either way.

Oh, I do enjoy that part of the Abridged Series. LittleKuriboh does a smashing job of capturing my apathy.

Also, if you do bother to review, and would actually like to be verbally abused by me on a more personal level, go right ahead and tell me so in the review. Ra help you if you do.

Good day to you, mortals. I _do_ hope you join me next time.


	4. Rant Four: Why I Prefer Working Alone

So, after my last chapter, I have come to realize there are a few things I need to clear up, because your internet minds are apparently a bit on the slow side.

I really don't give a damn about 4Kids! Entertainment.

At all.

In the slightest.

My previous rant was all that I care to say about the Yu-Gi-Oh show at all.

So for Ra's sake, don't ask again. I know some of your get your little knickers in a twist over it, but I don't. I really could care less if they water down something I do. In my opinion, everything watered down what I did back then, even the original Japanese version. I don't mind the dub at all, so let me alone about it.

At least in the dub they gave me a voice that's not female. It actually sounds something like the voice I have.

So, in that case, I'd much rather _thank_ 4Kids!

Right. Moving on then.

I've been asked to do two things in the particular that mesh. One is explain my opinions on the people that I have made "pacts" with in my time during the show you all watched (I will use it for reference. Most of it is accurate enough), and the other being that I have to "give some sort of proof that you're way more awesome than Marik will ever hope to be." ...Right, then.

Well, hopefully in accomplishing the first task, I'll also include the second.

Obviously Marik Ishtar is the first that comes to people's minds. I made a pact with him for the Millennium Rod in order to help him further his goals in Battle City.

But you know all this. You use it as grounds for that Ra-awful Thiefshipping, no?

Let me tell you a bit about my experience with Marik.

In short, frustrating as all get out.

And I will tell him this plenty of times.

We were both trying to manipulate each other, and we both had plans to eventually dispose of the other. That can make getting any job done a bit messy. Marik was, and still is to some degree, an absolute control freak.

And a bloody backseat duelist.

All through my duel with Yugi, it was, "Summon this, Bakura. Don't do this, Bakura. Want me to take over, Bakura?"

No, no, and _no._

How difficult was this for him to understand?

And the _one_ bloody time I let him follow through with his plan, he chooses to put my bloody vessel and way of life in danger.

Also not something I particularly wanted.

So, after being knocked unconscious because he failed even when I _let_ him try to fix the problem, he decides to enter my brain. And let me tell you, if I though the duel with Yugi was absolutely unbearable with that voice dimly inside my mind...

Imagine what it was like with him _completely_ inside my mind.

If someone attempts innuendo for that, I'll kill them with a rusty spoon.

So, for once, the Abridged Series was right on the nose. All through the duel with his darker half, all I could think of was as follows.

**"shut up shut shut SHUT UP!"**

End quote.

This time, it wasn't so much, "Do this, Bakura." Nor "Summon that, Bakura." It was mostly, "SUMMONTHEWINGEDDRAGONOFRA, BAKURA."

Can you even possibly imagine having a voice that shrill in your mind all the time? Can you?

Obviously, we lost.

Marik and I have grown to have an uneasy... sort of friendship since. But I will never let the boy forget that duel. Because I very well could have done fine on my own. His knowledge on his Yami was near worthless, he would never let me concentrate, and he didn't even know the enemy's deck due to Yami Marik's fiddling with it.

In summation, I did not have a pact with anyone after.

Solo was much, much more preferable.

Well, then. I think that's enough for now. Do hope this has cleared up any questions.

As always, you may review, and give suggestions on what I shall rant on next. I promise my reply will only be mildly offensive.

Good day to you, mortals.

...Oh, right. Some kind of sound proof that I am "awesomer" than Marik.

How about this one: Three thousand years ago, in my mortal body?

_That_ tan was not fake~


	5. Why I Prefer Working Alone, by Marik

All right, er, I'm not exactly a writer or anything but Bakura said I should write a reply to him and he'd post it, so here I go.

First I'll get the important things out of the way:

I'm an amazing duelist, all right? The only reason we didn't win is because Bakura WAITED to listen to me, then screwed up the plan at the last minute by jumping out and getting all martyr-ish for his host. Not-that Ryou isn't my friend NOW, but-well, he wasn't then and it was Bakura's fault we lost, okay?

Also, all that crap he said about my voice? Also wrong.

And THE TAN IS. NOT. FAKE.

The part he DID get right is all that stupid shipping stuff. Bakura and I aren't at each other's throats most of the time, but that doesn't mean we're in love or any crap like that. I barely talk to him except on Twitter. Back then we were partners, but I mean, COME ON, he stabbed his freaking arm for me! Do you people think that sounds like a lovey dovey thing? Before-you know-back when I was trying to kill the Pharaoh, I mean-I did a lot of things I'm-not proud of. Bakura... did those, er, sorts of things too. We were... ruthless. We weren't goofing around and laughing together about goofy murder plots and skipping through stupid daisy fields. We were both trying to use each other to get what we needed, anything else be damned. Bakura got that part right. Even now, we don't have any sort of mushy friendship. If it weren't for Ryou, I'd probably avoid talking to him altogether. Lots of... bad memories...

I hope whoever you people are appreciate this, by the way. I don't usually talk about Battle City at ALL. Forget the past and improve the future is my motto.

Anyway. All that backseat duelist stuff? Also crap. He's just too big-headed to admit that I knew what to do better than he did. He's been that way as long as I've known him. Like I said, if he'd have just LISTENED to me, we would have won! I don't get why he blames ME for that!

You know, usually when I used the Millennium Rod, the people I was in OBEYED. I said something, they did it. Was that too much to ask? It wasn't me backseat-dueling! It was like me trying to DRIVE a car but the car decides to have a mind of his own and veer off the road every so often and change routes when I least expect it! Do you have any IDEA how frustrating that is? And nerve-wracking! No matter what I said or how often or how loud I said it, he'd just try to ignore me and do his own thing!

And I told you, I'm a great duelist! And we were fighting MY OWN FREAKING YAMI! I KNEW what I was doing, way more than he did!

Ugh.

Don't let him blame ME for him not making any more "pacts." He just doesn't play well with others, is what the REAL reason is.

You realize it's the ALBINO talking about tans, right? Mine is COMPLETELY natural and would have beaten his old one by a mile. I know it. What is he, to talk about appearances like that? I don't think he even brushes his HAIR!

(Bakura, what "innuendo" were you talking about? I was inside your mind by using the Rod, so what? Is this another shipping thing?)

I think that's all I needed to say, right? Bakura had better post this. Without editing anything out or crap like that. I don't really have any idea which ""mortals"" are reading this but if you want to reply or anything, I guess there's some way to do that. He'd probably pass the message along to me.

So... er... bye.


	6. Rant Five: Why I bother with you people

Hello, mortals. It's certainly been a while.

Pardons for the delay in updating. I've been a little... preoccupied in ways I do not care to explain to your like. The point is, I'm back now. And I'm here to satisfy all of your little fangirl needs. Well, within reason, of course.

Today, for all of your fine ears, I decided that I would start with answering the questions that don't require a full bloody rant. While I believe I can complain about just about anything, this would be slightly less entertaining if I tried to take up the little time I know you crave to have with me by answering a simple question with a full five hundred or so words. Brazen and sharp as my wit might be, I concede that I might be on the... elderly side. While being over three thousand years your senior is one of the factors that makes me superior to you in nearly every way, it also has the slight problem of making me ramble at times. So, for your sake, I'll be brief. Because we all know I'm here to serve you, aren't I. Tch.

Regardless, I'll get started.

Someone asked me why—when I consider this whole damn fandom beneath me, and if I find all of this a waste of my time, I bother with you people at all.

Put simply, fine and condescending little anon, I do it to clear all your little fantasies and shatter all your cute little illusions.

I am not a lovesick puppy dog trailing after my Hikari, masking it with torture and rape as you all quite often like to depict me in your writings. I am not a foolish adolescent teenager stumbling after Marik to fulfill your sick Thiefshipping desires. I am not a pawn to be used for whatever Mary-Sue self-insert you please for your own satisfaction. I am not _kawaii_, I am not sweet. I am not a misunderstood monster. This is not Beauty and the Beast. One sweet little touch will not turn me into a charming prince. I'm a cynical, sarcastic bastard, plain and simple. Recent events have... changed my actions and goals a bit, but my essence is the same. Few have ever found themselves on my "good side." Don't expect that you might be one of them.

Alright? Do we understand each other now? If not, there's honestly not much I can do. I might as well simply go on.

Someone else asked me if I had a role model. To put simply, when you're an illiterate child growing up in Ancient Egypt, there are few that you can take inspiration from. Like every child, I wanted to be a Pharaoh.

And no, the irony of that never does cease to amaze me.

By the time I had taught myself to read and was able to learn of anyone truly worth knowing, I was resolved to rely on no one but myself. I didn't need a role model. My ambition told me I would succeed beyond any of them. And when I met Zorc Necrophades... well, my role model was decided for me.

Who I currently hold in that place, however, is of a personal matter. I have no plans of sharing that with the likes of you. Ra knows what you'll do with that kind of information.

And before this all gets far too personal for comfort, let me stop right there. You've been a lovely audience, truly, but I believe that all good things _must_ come to an end. But fret not, I won't be gone from you too long this time.

That anon was right about one thing, I do find you all highly amusing. It's almost akin to the bemusement one feels when a turtle flops helplessly onto its back. Entertaining pity.

Until next time, little fangirls.

Sincerely, Thief King (or, alternatively, Yami) Bakura.


	7. Rant Six: Bloody Fangirls

There's a small issue I suppose I should mention.

Someone asked, and I quote, "I'm curious. Do you really hate the acutal Yugioh series or was that just Yami Bakura talking?"

Let's get one thing in the clear here.

I _am_ Yami Bakura.

I'm on this blasted website because, whether I like it or not, that damned Takahashi decided to profit from _my_ story as a work of fiction and, because of this, my life has been made a living hell. And if people are going to read prattle such as on this site, I might as well attempt to convey my _true_ feelings on the subject of my life. Whether by rants or a serious monologue about an event in my life, these are _my_ words. So don't bother me with such inane questions pretending that I don't exist. It's quite rude, you know.

And speaking of the lovely glories of fame, I've been continually asked to write specifically on the subject of my readers. Meaning, the fangirls.

They say that fame always comes with a price. Now, I once made a pact with a _demon_, I understand the concept of paying for something with something else.

But for Ra's sake, at least Zorc had the courtesy to _ask_ me if I wanted my body possessed and my mind corrupted.

No, Takahashi decided that one morning, he'd unceremoniously thrust stardom onto my lap. And, with it, I get the pleasures of fangirls. And the occasional fanboy.

Honestly, I think the Dark One was a more pleasant entity to deal with.

Even as a work of fiction, if people see a white-haired British male who has a tendency to wear stripes and they happen to be fans of Yu-Gi-Oh, they tend to get very excited. Most times, I will get halted, and asked just how _do_ I get my cosplay so perfect?

And there's honestly no easy way to get out of that question. It normally leads to even more irritating questions that I don't care to answer.

In Japan specifically, however, people seem to think that I'm merely an actor, and the story of Yu-Gi-Oh was made up in order to give the precious little King of Games even more fame. Which of course is another annoyance altogether.

Autographs, interviews for a small feature in a magazine article, bloody stalkers.

Thankfully, this has died down a good deal in Domino. Fame is mercifully fleeting. But, on occasion, I will still be halted, still be asked about my "adorable" costume, and still occasionally wooed by fangirls. Luckily, however, they've learned that I don't need a restraining order to keep them away. My knife does that for me.

Have I mentioned I hate being touched?

Of course, the internet being the place where nothing ever dies when it should, the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom is as popular now as it has ever been. And I can thank LittleKuriboh for that. Lovely chap, he is.

Yes, for those of you who don't realize. I'm being sarcastic.

And while all of this is a giant pain in my arse, I have at least found some way to combat it. And that's what this account, and my others on other social networks are partially around to accomplish. This is who I am, and this is what I think about all of your stupid and pointless existences.

Speaking of, that's the end of this rant. I hope you've enjoyed our time together. At least_ then_ one of us has.


	8. Rant Seven: Yaoi and Vampires

You fangirls manage to miss the point in everything, don't you.

Today, I found this in my reviews:

"I don't know WHY my friend showed me this, but she did! Well I happen to like yaoi for the same reason males like yuri. Yuri gets guys off because you all think it's hot. I happen to think yaoi is hot. Guys kissing is just awesome. Don't ask why it is, because it is."

...Well, dear Rosary. Since you were anonymous and I have no way of replying to you personally, I'll reply here, and clarify to all other imbeciles who attempt to read into what's not there.

I never said a damn thing about yaoi.

In fact, you could "ctrl-f" on every chapter of this in search of the word "yaoi," and find absolutely nothing. The most you will find is me explaining why I think Thiefshipping is stupid. That's bloody all. I never said there was a problem with yaoi, or men kissing, so get your bloody heads out of your asses and try reading with your brain switched on.

Look, I'm not going to give you details about my personal life on_ this_ website. That's not the point of these rants. It's not about me, it's about _you_. Namely, what drives me insane about you. Therefore, I'm not going to get nit-picky about the sexuality you choose for me when you try to write about me. And since I can't stop you from writing about me in the first place, I ask only one thing. Stop making me so Ra-damned _kawaii._

I hate pretty much everyone. Get that through your skulls. It doesn't matter what gender they are. It doesn't matter what species they are. If they breathe, there is a good chance that I hate them. And not in the "I want to throw you down and have hate sex with you" sort of way. No. Just regular, repulsed, hatred.

So please, in the future, don't bother me about whether or not you like yaoi. Trust me, I hate pretty much all pairings, regardless of who is kissing who. Thiefshipping simply has a special hatred in my heart.

Tendershipping, as well.

...Honestly, I'm a three thousand year old being and I've known the boy since he was five. It's bloody disgusting to imagine anything romantic or sexual with him.

Ah, and speaking of ridiculous concepts, there is one popular one that seems to be on many minds.

What I think of myself being portrayed as a horny vampire.

Quiet Harmony-chan, you should be proud. You're the first person in a long while to have made me shudder. Sparkling, and having sex with Téa Gardner. Well played, my dear. It almost gave me nightmares.

Alright, let's consider this. Vampires have been over-popularized by the general media. As such, a few_ very _talented human beings (I'm _sure_) decided that it simply wasn't overdone enough, and chose to incorporate me into the mix.

Lovely.

I know that I am pale. Does that make every albino you ever see a vampire? Now, ladies, that's simply not polite. And we all know, I'm about the only one that has the skill to execute rudeness right. It's an art form, you see. About the only one I've been able to master. But I master it well, so stick to your fanart and let a true sardonicism king work his magic when necessary.

I was never even pale to begin with, anyway. I was a bloody Egyptian. I spent my entire life in the sun, something I _believe,_ the last time I checked is impossible for a vampire. The only reason I am pale now is because my Hikari, the only suitable body I could take, is from England. And the English have a tendency to be pale as death. I personally hate it. I miss and long for the days when I had a strong body that belonged to _me_ completely, that had always been mine, not borrowed or copied from another.

For another thing, I don't drink blood. In the adrenaline of a kill, I have tasted blood, but that is not for taste. Rather, it is merely to both intimidate and give me the satisfaction of not only seeing, but feeling my enemy's weakness, and reveling in the superiority of my immortality. It has nothing to do with satisfying any sort of hunger.

So, in conclusion, let's leave vampires where they belong, in Anne Rice novels.

That reminds me. I'm ranting about my being turned into a vampire. I refuse to rant about Twilight. Complaining about it would be cliche and pointless. There are many books out there. I you don't like one, don't read it. I personally haven't. I was once asked to, but the title of another book of hers seemed far more intriguing, and I picked that up, instead. Well, can you blame me for being interested in _The Host_?

But, I digress. My two cents have been spoken, and this particular rant is about concluded. Have a good evening, mortals. Do yourselves a favour and try reading a _real_ book for once.

And remember as you write your fanfics and draw your pictures: I've always got an eye on you.


	9. Oh, Expositions

You... all certainly have very wordy responses or me, don't you.

Not that I mind. It gives me more things to nit-pick at in order to feel superior.

Well, I certainly have a lot to get through, now don't I. Let's start this off quickly. Tedious pleasantries are so dull. Etiquette from small-talk to table manners are lost on me. Which is how the famous "steak scene" from Yu-Gi-Oh mentioned by one reviewer came about. I am perfectly content with not having any type of good behaviour of which to speak. In case you were not aware, I am a villain. Those were never on my list of duties. I offer my _sincerest_ apologies to Ms. Manners.

At any rate, Miss jedigal125 asked me a very obvious question that I wonder why it had not come up sooner. That being, how am I able to write to you all if I, by all accounts of the finale of Yu-Gi-Oh, am dead.

It's a very excellent question. And although I had told a dear friend I would mention something about anyone pairing myself with Yugi—excuse my shudder, I suppose I can spend this specific time addressing this.

I did die, in a manner of speaking.

Do you remember what I said, far in the land of chapter one, about how it felt to have to constantly suppress an uncooperative host? I am not quite sure just how limited your memory is, so you might desire to take a peek before you continue reading. You know, that little bit about how it felt that keeping him at bay was something akin to sticking your head in a large bell and ringing it over and over around you?

Well, the death that I had in the dark RPG in the Millennium World was like...

Oh. I know. It was like every torture device ever created _all_ working simultaneously! Can you just _imagine_ the fun that that was!

I was technically dead for two months. Finally, however, I was resurrected. How, I don't know. I was given a fresh start by some creature, free of Zorc's manipulation and free of entrapment in the Millennium Ring. I had my own body, a mirror of Ryou's, and my now former host immediately took me into his home and took care of me.

Many rough patches followed from that, again too personal to give too much detail on, but the important thing to note is I am most certainly not dead.

Worse, I am technically... hngh, mortal.

I will live a normal—_human, _life span, and then I will eventually die. I have no magic, I have no Millennium Items. I am, by all accounts, hideously normal.

Make no mistake, though. Simply because I am _technically_ a finite creature does not make you suddenly my equal. When you have your soul forever bound with a demon and you live for three thousand years in a Millennium Item, then we may talk. Until then, I am your superior. Do not forget your place.

Someone also asked me if I would... strive for redemption. I would simply like to say that there is no true redemption for me. I am, and will always be, a scoundrel and a thief.

Ahem. Right, then. My apologies for the... _lack_ of ranting, in this chapter. I felt I should get that out of the way. I will be sure to have something actually substantial for you soon.

I would also like to add that if you have any other specific questions about me that is not necessarily worthy of a rant, I do have a Formspring and Tumblr that you may feel free to take those questions to. My URL for both is TheEvilBakura.

Enjoy the rest of your pointless and repetitive day, mortals.


	10. Rant Eight: Hideously Normal

"Welcome to the mortal's life... it's worse than you could ever imagine."

You have no idea.

No, I mean that. You quite honestly have no idea what it's like to make the transition from being _immortal_ to suddenly becoming a very, very finite being. And all that comes with being finite. It's tedious, frustrating, and actually depressing in some ways. It's not _all_ terrible, no. But if I did much more than complain about it, it wouldn't be much of a rant, now would it.

No, being mortal is not _all_ terrible. Just like being drug-free is not all terrible. It is healthier and I am much better off in this state. When you have the power to do nearly everything, you find it is very difficult not to actually _do _nearly everything. Magic gets a hold of you, grips you, even smothers you. Logically, I'm sure it's good that I got rid of it.

But, like any addict, logic is a hard thing to follow.

But you people asked what I do all day. And, from the way most of you worded it, you're looking for me to say that my life is an absolute bore. And, sometimes, it is. The absolutely _tedious _beyond belief tasks you people manage to complete daily makes me wonder how you manage to keep along like you all do. And you do it with a smile! You recite ridiculous notions like, "Live for the moment!" and "You only live once!" as you work through ultimately meaningless labour that have nothing to do with living for the moment at all. I assume it's some sort of survival tactic on your end, but I still do not and will not understand the mental capacity for monotony that you seem to be capable of handling.

And, by the way, I sort of disprove the whole bloody "YOLO" thing you all fancy.

But, at any rate, I function like any other pathetic twit in human society. And most of the time, it's boring as hell. I wake up, eat, find a violent video to hold my attention for more than five minutes, run errands, eat some more, sleep.

And occasionally I play a card game or an RPG or two.

Or ten.

No, it's not interesting. And it's a far cry from when I was still seeking my revenge, but I have learned to be content with it. And it does not change the fact that I am superior to you. Simply because we share the same routines now does not erase the nearly god-like being I was before. Hell, the point of these rants to address half of the ridiculous things I must live through because of _your_ pathetic societies and... laws.

And, as one of you was so kind to point out, I "make hideously normal VERY sexy."

Hmph.

I suppose before I wrap this up I can address one more question that is relevant to the matter of my living arrangements: Why does Ryou let me stay with him.

Unfortunately, this answer is very simple, because I have absolutely no idea. As a creature who has sustained himself for thousands of years merely on the concept of hate, I cannot understand why someone would be so forgiving.

I doubt I ever will.

Hn. Well, that's enough of that, then. Leave all your comments at the door and don't let it hit you on the way out.

Or do. I could find that rather amusing, actually.


End file.
